August means holidays, with schools looking so far away – and yet, it’s only a month away. For many, the process is smooth and predictable – but for others it can be a real predicament. How can we best prepare? What behaviors need we watch out for and how can we combat this eternal enemy of performance anxiety?
Going to school is usually an exciting and enjoyable experience. For some children, however, it is a process that is accompanied by excessive fear or even panic. Parents are concerned about the child’s excessive behavior, pretending to be ill or begging to stay home when they feel the slightest pain or fever.
Not wanting to go to school is more common in children aged 5-7 and 11-14, which are the ages at which children face new challenges. We have to think, of course, that this fear, when talking about our first days at school, is not about the school itself but about the fear a child knows about leaving the safe environment of the home and family. It is very difficult for parents to deal with this panic and the child’s refusal to go to school, but there are effective ways to combat these fears.
The child’s refusal to go to school often follows a period at home during which the child has come closer to the parents, such as summer, a holiday, or a brief illness of the child. It can also be caused by a stressful situation, such as the death of a relative, a change of school, or a change of home.
Your child may complain of headaches, sore throats, or stomach pain just before departure for school. The “illness” recedes as soon as we allow the child to stay home and miraculously reappears the next morning before school. In some cases, the child may, of course, clearly refuse to leave home.
Children with anxiety may:
- Feel insecure when alone in a room
- They show “attachment” behavior to parents
- They are overly concerned and afraid of something bad happening to their parents or themselves.
- Become a “shadow” of the father or mother at home, constantly following them
- They have difficulty sleeping
- They have nightmares
- They have exaggerated, irrational fears about animals, monsters, burglars that might get into the house, etc.
- They are afraid to be alone in the dark, or
- They have vocal outbursts when they are forced to go to school.
The potential long-term effects are serious for a child with persistent fears. The child may have serious educational or social problems if left out of school for extended periods.
As long as the panic stems from the fact that the child leaves home despite going to school, his behavior there is different, meaning he is often calm. Refusing an older child or even a teenager not to go to school is generally a much more serious problem and needs to be treated very carefully.
So let’s look a little further at the essence of the matter – why do some children avoid school?
- Someone may be annoying or beating them
- Problems with the teacher
- Problems with friends
- Schoolwork is easy and boring
- Schoolwork is difficult and frustrating
- Learning difficulties
- Home changes
- Not wanting to be separated from one of the parents
- Shyness
- Feeling nervous about a new school
- Feeling anxious about going to a new classroom
- Feeling anxious about a particular type of situation (test, go to the table, etc.)
- Violent behavior by others
- Harassment
The signs that parents need to look out for and characteristic of a child with anxiety are headaches, chronic stomach aches, insomnia, fatigue, difficulty in making decisions, fear of having their child alone in a room, worry about physical health or possible injury, concern for injury or parenting illness, nightmares, nervous outbursts with screams when forced to go to school.
How can parents and teachers help? There are several ways. We briefly mention the following:
- Don’t just tell your children that they need to go to school. Give them a reason! Explain to them that going to school will give them opportunities to learn and do new things.
- Help a shy child make friends. Encourage them to join a group, or take part in an after-school activity.
- Give the child more help if they have problems at school.
- Be aware of any cases of child bullying by classmates and talk to teachers if the problem persists.
- Always try to be the one taking the child out of school, or being home when he or she returns, especially in times of stress.
- Spend some time with the child every day.
- Encourage the child to eat healthy and exercise. Reduce your TV and PC time if needed.
Of course, there are plenty of things a child can do to reduce stress at school, such as understanding that he or she should talk openly about their problems, both to parents and teachers, and to understand that they the power to change some things that bother them.
The problems that stress can create in the classroom are numerous and can be either behavioral problems or poor performance problems. It is logical that a child with anxiety is suffering from a lack of concentration. This lack of concentration will inevitably lead to some problems in understanding the course, which in turn leads to reduced performance and even more stress. So a vicious circle is created, difficult to break, unless we tackle the root of the problem.
We have to keep in mind that children will react differently to having his or her parents assess their performance at the home lesson, differently when evaluated in the classroom by the teacher, yet differently if they need to come to the board and perform in front of the whole class, and differently in a test. All of these differences in performance are due to stress, and I’m sure many parents and almost all teachers have encountered children who read too much, try too much, but are too weak or ‘freeze’ when the time to take a test or comes around. A question most frequently asked by parents is how a poor performance can be justified after a thorough preparation. The answer is most likely that stress had a negative effect on both concentration and memory.
Of course, what we want in the classroom is not a child without anxiety – which is implausible since the child experiences the educational process both as competitive and directly linked to his or her own worth – but a child who has the stress that he needs to motivate him to work to his fullest potential without ever being hampered. We want balance. Which for each child means a different measure and degree of anxiety. And it is a balance that students, teachers and parents need to strive for.
Lazaros K. Alexakis, B.A., M.Ed.
Educational Psychologist.